THE DAY I BECAME A MOTHER

It's been long since I wrote my blog. Today after watching Love Vivy, I felt the urge of writing again. I viewed her blog and looked at the pictures, her stories...I am very impressed. Now i really regret for stop writing...I missed the memorable moment...that I was supoosd to write down...the happy, the sad, the challenging and the shocking experiences that happened in my life. But the most unforgettable moment that i will never forget is THE DAY I BECAME A MOTHER. I myself can't believe it. Me a mother?? Who would has thought of that. But i am and im very happy. On the 8th January 2015..I gave birth to a beautiful and unique daughter of mine. She was born at 1157H on a Thursday. The experience of giving birth. i would have never imagine, The pain that every moms in the world has to face...But the pain was worthy. Giving a life to a child is the best feeling a woman could ever had..with Allah's will. I'm really thankful for that. Well. continue with my story...my daughter was named Aisyah Zara binti Mohd Azhar. The letter A was after her dad's and the letter Z for after mine. She weighs about 1.87kg and was so tiny. The size of my hand. So small that she looks so innocent. Her eyes were closed. Her lips were red. Her nose was so cute. Her hands that were graceful. Every parts of her i loved. THANK YOU ALLAH...for the most precious gift that you could ever gave me. Because of her tinyness, i had to tie up her mittens with a rubber band...hehe..unique. Her hat was even bigger than her head. But her size didn't matter. As long as i know that she is healthy...My baby Aisyah Zara. I hope we will grow old together...you and me~the end

a dream dat felt so real

i keep dreaming of him...wat does dat mean?am i still in luv wif him??i don't.people say dat if we keep having a dream of someone, its shows dat we always think of him.but i cant avoid to think of him can i. i mean i hav a hepi life now wif my fiancee...he's kind to me and everything. i will not do anything dat might hurt him. please leave my mind...i cant do dis anymore...it hurts and im miserable always...its not ur fault but its mine...it shows dat i havent completely erased u...i admit i cant...ur still part of my life. but i luv my fiancee now and will always do...u'll jz hav a bit of piece of my heart~

12.11.11

selamat tinggal tok...im gonna miss u...i was at yogjakarta when i got the news..al-fatihah wat arwah yg selame ni tlh byk menjage dan menyayangi kami...the last time i saw her was at kelana jaya's tabung haji...bersyukur sgt sbb dpt pegi anta tok wat haji. at least i get to see her for the last time. yes i feel so sad but yet she gets to die in Mecca and the lucky thing is while she is performing her haji. may Allah bless her..amin. lps nie blk kg akn rs sunyi bcoz she was the reason everyone was there T_T. aritu blk raye aji pon rs sunyi je kg...xsangke akn sunyi selame-lamenye. she will be remembered and semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohNya..amin.

D 'cat' - 23 AUG 2011

i've completed my training...alhamdulillah. after 8 years of becoming a student...no more buying dis buying dat...but it depends la on the personell....if they hav no shame they'll ask to do watever they want us to do...my first operatioanl sortie was on 24rd aug 2011. it was auwsome. my first tasking and it was a VIP tasking. my route was from subang to kuantan and back to subang. plus my pilot was super cool. he didnt fust about anything but teach us. i salute u. and my 2nd sortie, i brought the sultan's pahang son and his football team. also route to kuantan. the football team was all foreign. but i didnt get chance to chat with them. my place is in the cockpit...wat a hell of experience i had. it made me njoy my flight throughout dis time. im really thankful for all the things i've acheived trough hards and downs...but i made it.THANK YOU ALLAH =)

I yAnG mALas

boring gle ddk kt cni...wlpon dkt ngn rumah tp jauh plk rs...like people use to say...NEAR YET SO FAR......mls gle nk kje skang.rs mcm nk ddk rmh and watch tv the whole day...mcm zaman sekolah dl...blkje dgn xtuka baju lg terus landing ats coach kegemaran...pastu makan sambil terlenting atas sofa...gle pemalas....skang xblh da nk wat cmtu...sbb ms xbyk mcm dl...huhu....pas kawen nk mtk ngn hubby xnk kejela....blhla tgk tv sepanjang hari..hehehehe....sebenarnye tade bnde nk cte pon cume nk update blog ni yg sudah lme terbengkalai...xnk jd mcm projek terbengkalai kan =)

MiSsiNG PieCE

im missing Jeddah already...its been 7 days now since i got back....although there was much nagging n unsatisfaction but it turned out dat it was great!!!if i get a chance i wanna stay there, become the citizen...we might see from outside dat Jeddah is old fashion, not as modern as our country...but actually they are updated...i mean the technology and etc...wat we see on the outside is not the same as wat we see in the inside...totally different...their culture and ours....for example...we malaysian women tend to dress up when we go somewhere out from our home but the arabian's dress up at home..wearing only black abaya outside...dat's wat ladies are supposed to do exactly...looking beatiful only for the love ones and our mahram...hehehe...we might tink dat its hotla wearing abaya...rimasla konon but actually if we wear it..we feel really comfortable...i bet ya...we wont feel like a guy is watching us becoz we're all cover up...we dont attract guys attention becoz we only wear black...we all look the same on the outside...honestly its feels nice...trust me...other things dat attract me is the food..omg..im totally in love wif the food i can die...hahaha...im a big fan of cheese, meat, and all types of bread.lets just say...arabian food is for me...i had 4 croissant on the first day i arrived at Jeddah...then i had arabic bread with butter and cheese...also stuffed wif slices of ham..delicious...walla...the deserts were marvellous...caramel...strawberry crumbled, cream puff and lots more dats i dont know the names..hehe..i just eat =)...at my half arabic and half malaysia friend's house...i had baby camel for lunch wif mindi (a type of arabic rice dat taste like beriani but better)...i just cant believe dat i ate camel...without tinking twice...it was good...taste like chicken...nooottt...most like cow i guess but very soft...and the lambs...wow...u can just taste the fat...the most delicious part...but during our walk in the market..there's not much to taste on...but there's stuff to try on...the second best part...shooopppinggg....as i am a shopaholic..i bought everything dat i can reach...at first i didnt attend to buy anything bcoz i thought there wasnt time but as we finish our flying...of we go to the market place (sentence from aladdin)..from zero to....i cant find anything dat rhymes...huhu...dats all for now....there will be another story~the end

My TriP To jEDdah

its been 3 days since im staying in jeddah...not including the journey and everything,,,one hell of an xperience...lucky for me..im not even operational yet but i get to go...yeah...our mission is to bring the students back to malaysia....besides dat we get to go on a holiday also...so far ive only been to al-balad...a place to shop...my fav thing to do NOW.....i bought things but i tried to control it since ive been a debt of my credit card....although my heart is poundering for more....I WANT MORE......hehehe....tomorow i might be going to Mecca....hooray....the last time i went there was when i was standard 5....it was a long time ago...now ive been given another opportunity to set my foot at Mecca again...insyaAllah~the end

aN uNexPecteD texT

yesterday i got a text from a very known person, a person dat i never expected to text me again after all dat we've been through. he ask me to meet him which i know is not rite since we're not even talking rite now. why now?and why all of a sudden?is he using me or is he really sincere to meet his old fren or wat so called his ex. i had my doubts so i decided not to meet him. my heart is dying to meet him but when i thought back and the words he said to me....naaah...i'm done and it's over. i know him....after 6 six years of friendship...i hope i can survive and win the battle between my own heart~the end

to win someone's heart back takes wisdom and courage

mine was gone when i did that

KesiAN mY SiS

yesterday my sis went for an operation. at first i didnt thought it would be dat serius but it is. she had to went through an open surgery from doing the laser thingy. she has this thing wat we call endomethrosis. quite severe but i didnt excpect her to have it. but at least she's alrite. dat's wats important....DONT WORRY ALONG.....we will ALWAYS BE THERE =)

So CaLLEd FreN

i just had to spill out wat i felt.....cannot take it anymore...6 years of being a fren...nothing....ur not worth it to her....she's just using u and pretending to be innocent...looking like i'm the bad girl here. i don't understand. are boys so much important to her in her life...i mean of cozla they're charming but doesn't a frenship mean nothing to u. when u hav no one, u come crawling to the ladies fren...but if there's a guy, POOOF....of she goes. it's not the first time she does dat. i think it's the 5TH time but during the first time, i didn't care so much....becoz i didn't know her yet back then. NOW I KNOW. so irritating. the GEDIKS dat she shows to men without relizing...i'm not the only one who says dis...even the guys says dis...so wat i think is definitely TRUE. but the weird thing is, she can say to other gurls.....EEEEEE.....GEDIKNYE....without relizing herself...i'm sory i hav to say dis but i think u should know...dats wat frens are. she looks like she is tough and 'ganas'...with her eyes like an animal staring at their prey...always like to jeling at people showing her eyes....and then people will go....nape ko jeling aku...and then she would like it....of cozla...attracting men's attraction. GROSS. come onla...it's not only about guys here...is dat wat she only thinks about....no wonder la my other fren decided not to become her fren anymore...its becoz of dis...before they were like twins who would go anywhere together but all of a sudden, their relationship vanish. at first i thought it was becoz of my enemy fren but it's all becoz of herself. now people call her the PLAYGIRL...everywhere she goes, a man would be there waiting...maybe she's lucky to hav sooooo many guys adoring her becoz of her sweetness, comel die, perangai manje die but she must remember....guys like her for a reason and in the end...she'll might deserve wat she did to other people...especially her BF ~the end

ReDempTion

dear bloggie...today, at dis moment i'm feeling really sad...all of a sudden...i felt like i've done the worst mistakes ever in my life...i hav so many secrets in my life dat i can't tell....dis is how my life was and is still are...i didnt mean for dis things to happen...it just did...and i can't turn back...the only thing dat i can do now is never repeat it...INSAF...some things can't be avoided..some things can...we just hav to hav the guts to do it....with the help of others around us...and the most important thing is ourselves. we hav to learn from other people's mistakes....people were not born to be MAKSUM...but it is not an excuse to do mistakes....we may walk on the wrong path but one day, we must realize dat we hav to walk back on the correct path...our lives on this earth is not forever....at any time, the clock is ticking...we may not know when we will be going but we must prepare ourselves at all time....i hope dat my talk of redemption is for real....i really mean it but i just need time~the end

At LaST

at last....i finished my FHT...after 7 month of hell....it was a tough one going through all the things pouring and draning on my face...i get to feel a little freedom after my exam....going out in the middle of the nite (curi2 jgk), didnt hav to prep, didnt hav to rollcall and especially didnt hav to THINK....so far the 0ne week was enough to release my tension all dis while...although dat before the exam i had to face wif big problems dat occcured here n there...fuuuuhhhh..RELIEF. i hope dis will last long enough for me to really experience the freedom life...i do envy the outsiders. didnt hav to bother about wat people think, didnt hav to take part in anything, didnt hav to be social and the most important part....DIDNT HAV TO BODEK2. bodek has become a culture now in human's life to gain something, to become a part of something big...less work but much talking....dats all wat they did....i hate those kind of people...pity them who has work really hard but no one was to keen to see them. they only see the ACTOR.....dats y i dont get human...terkeluar topik pulak....anyway..after dis, i'll be posting out from my previous squadron dat i dont enjoy so much staying...not dat i hate it but i didnt seem to fit in.it was nvr a place for me. i want to be at home...six years of living someplace else...i think it's finally the time for me to be at my home..ALLAH...please place me in the right place where i can find my life and be in the correct path...AMIN~the end

LiVing Like aLmost To HeLL

i hate it here....i wana go home....ari2 tension....seeing my frens getting scolded...hearing unappropriate language....aaarrghhhh...it really gives me the headache...cant i get a peace and quiet surrounding over here.....people do hav a life okey...dont treat us like we're kindergartens....i mean kids also get treated nicely....we're 24 for heaven's sake. i don't understand why dis world exist wif dis kind of people....TOTALLY UNREASONABLE.....tink they're always rite....cannot see others live peacefully n hepily...am i gona spend my lifetime like dis...i reaaly dont want it =(

MaHer ZaiN

now i'm totally in love wif dis new singer...i mean i love his song...the 1st song i got attracted was 'ALWAYS BE THERE'......it was a hit...it caught my soul...so sweet and meaningful...when i was d0wn, dis song was able to make me strong....stand up f0r myself...bec0z it taught me to love wat we're suppose to love...how i know dis s0ng?it was a wake up call f0r my sister...she used it as her alarm and ape lagi...when i heard it, i kept repeating it over and over
again...bestnyeee......he's coming to malaysia...i wana go but tatau blh ke tak..hrp2 blh...amin~

a sudden thOught

y did u have to lie.....was it so hard for you to say dat u didnt l0ve me anymore???

SukA sUki

BouT mE

ON THE OUTSIDE IM SMILING BUT IN THE INSIDE IM CRYING

PLZ UNDERSTAND

i dono wats got into me...really...why the sudden change...i didnt ask for it but it came...i knew it was coming anyway...but i put it aside hoping dat everything would be alrite...but as time passes, it didnt turn out the way i want it to be...it became worse...becoz it involves other peoples feelings...i didnt meant it to happen...now i feel really guilty...i wish i didnt take dat step from the beginning. now everybody's gona get hurt...i always ask myself...whether to hurt my heart or someone's. if i chose to hurts others, its not fair for them but if i choose to hurt myself...i will nvr be happy...i can act happy and be a hypocrite for the rest of my life but i dont want dat to happen....it really is not fair...FOR ME....now wat i want is just ME AND FREEDOM. I WANT MY LIFE BACK....my life where i dont have to tink about anyone except my family and my career..im in a stress zone now....would someone help...i hope dat someone would understand....sometime we have to face the sadness in our life although its gona hurt badly....wat im doing is to make sure you wont get hurt in the future...TRUST ME....im not for you...no one is~the end

d0n't feel the same way

i don't know wat got in my mind....but i just don't feel the same way...i tried but i can't keep lying...whether i break the heart or torture mine...wat do i have to do to make it alright?to make it better....if we chose to say it out....people will tink dat we are selfish but if i keep it in my heart, dat would make me a liar...i really don't know wat to do....i don't want anymore of dis...i want it to go away...i want a life where i can live my life....JUST ME.....dis cannot prolonge any longer...i hav to tell dat person...for the sake of his and for the sake of mine....I'M REALLY SORRY~the end

not awake

today...again...me and my fren didn't wake up to go to work....we woke up at 7.10a.m....argghhhh...WE'RE LATE....the first sentence i said....what happen..we slept early...penat sgtkah? i dono..all i know is i'm late...and the worse part is i didn't iron my clothes yet....mmg gile kelam kabut...good thing we have our fren BOB to pick us up~the end